I Feel....

I feel like I am alone in this world. It all started when my parents decided to get a divorce. I lost my dad because he didn't want to grow up. I lost my younger brother because he wanted to act like my dad and not grow up. Also I lost my younger sister. I really don't know why I lost her. Oh wait now I remember she moved in with my sister that I don't get along with. So she don't call or stop by like she used to do. They all clam to love me but I don't ever hear from them. What kind of family does that? My family does that. I lost my cousin because she got mad at me for not watching her kids when she wanted me to watch them. I don't get to see my mom or my other brother because they live to far.



Don't get me wrong I have my sister in law and mother in law and my husband's family. But it is not the same. I love them all but I need my family also. What did I do for my family to treat me the way they do? I am only one person and I can only take so much. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It is eating me up inside that I don't have my family here for me when I need them the most. I am to the point in my life I don't want anything to do with anybody or anything. NO I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT MYSELF OR ANYBODY ELSE. I am done trying to please everyone. I can't do it anymore. I am going to live my life the way I want. I don't care what anybody has to say about it. If you don't like it oh well it is my life. AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. But thank you for caring.

Growing Up

So it has been over a week since I have posted anything. So I got a call from a family member lastnight. I have not talked to this person in awhile. But they told me that someone in the family was stealing meds. and money from there own father. What kind of person could do that to there own dad? Anyways they stole over 50 pills and I don't know how much money. But he would write himself checks and get them cashed. So this person's dad found out about it and he did what was right and he called the cops on him. If I was this person's dad I would of done the same thing. I think this person sould go to jail and sit there. Maybe they will think next time before they rip off their own dad. It is time to grow up.

On a good note. My niece is growing up so fast and she is so smart. And my little man is growing into a Man before my eyes. I don't know where the time has gone but I wish it would slow down.

My Little ManMy Niece Jayna

See what I was telling you. They are just growing up so fast. Why cant they just stay the way they are?

Yeah Scrapbooking

So yesterday was our first get together since forever ago. It was nice to get together just us girls. There was one less this time but she will be back. So I didn't get anything i wanted to get down because I helped my mother in law and sister in law make a scrapbook for their hair dresser that is having a baby soon. I had alot of fun helping them with it. I also had fun messing with my mother in law.



So last night I started working on a page of my niece. I had it done but I didn't like how it looked so I took it apart and started all over again. I like how it looks but it is really plain. I don't know why but I have to get used to using pink and girl colors. But here is how it turned out. Tell me what you think of it.

My Niece

Where has the time gone?

I am almost 25 years old and I don't think I have done anything with my life. What I am trying to say I dropped out of school and got pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom. But what would of happened if I waited to have a kid? What I mean is I had a plan. I would finish high school then I would of went to college then find a good job, then get married and have kids. I would of done it in that order. But things change. I would like to finish school someday.

Out Of The Blue

So I got a phone call today. You would never guess who it was. It was my dad. Before I answered the phone I looked at the caller ID and I knew the name and I thought to myself what the hell does he want now.

All he wanted to tell me was he went to court yesterday and the judge finally gave the go ahead with his disability. So he is getting it after so many years of trying. I am happy for him. Now he can move on with his life.

But of course we he had to start on my mom. What is new. I guess he will never grow up and be an adult. I told him that I really didn’t want to hear him talk bad about my mom. She didn’t do anything wrong. So some of the things I toned out because I would of went off on him.

Here is one thing he told me and it really pissed me off. He said that he had the best Christmas of his life. I asked him why is that. He responded because I got to spend it with my daughters. I told him but the only ones that was there was Ashley and Nikki. And Nikki just started to come around. That hurt me really bad. I wanted to tell him how can you sit there and say that when you have 4 other children. I just wish he would grow the fuck up. Sorry I am very upset. And I don’t know why I am because I have a wonderful family and I hate to say it but it doesn’t involve him in it. Oh what hurt the most is when I told him that I love him and he said I have to go. But I am done sweating it.

Weekly Update

Wednesday 12/31

So I got a text from my brother. Remember this is the brother I went off on because of the stuff he was saying about my mom. But anyways he asked me what I was doing because he wanted to come over and spend some time with me and the boy. And he also wanted me to meet the mother of his child. He even bought us lunch. He told me that he wanted to make things right between us. I was surprised to here that from him. It was a nice visit.

Thursday 1/1

So we had a New Years get together today. My sister in law and her family came and my father in law came also. But I wished that my mother in law and her family would of came. They were missed. We had fun. We ate and talked and we watched the kids play. I think that we might try to have this again next year and I hope that my mother in law will make it next time if we have it again.

Friday 1 / 2

Not to much happened today. My husband took off work to spend some time with our boy before he started school on Tuesday. So they spent some of the day home with me and the kids that I watch during the day. I had to kick them out because I could not get them to sleep with them in the house. But I still love them. But I am glad that they get to spend time together. But that is about it that happened on this day.

Saturday 1/3

So my husband told me that he was having a guy and his family come over to watch the Colts game with him. I say with him because I can careless about football. Sorry all the football fans out there. I did not mind it. We all ate and talked and played the Wii. It was fun to have someone else to talk to. This was a very long day for me because they did not leave here until midnight. I was so tired. But we had a lot of fun.

Sunday 1 /4

So I got to spend some time with my boy and husband. I took them out to lunch and then we went to Wal-Mart so I could get some scrapbooking stuff for our get together on the 17th. I can not wait it has been forever since we all got together and scrapbooked. But after we got home from the store I sat down and got some layouts together. Then I had to stop what I was doing to start dinner. So over all I had an ok day with my guys. I love spending time with them.